~He Walked Over the Hill and Never Came Home~

Several months ago I poured my heart out begging for prayers to bring Murphy home. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the way in which you lifted sweet Murphy up. Thank you for the thoughts, prayers and emails expressing your concern and sorrow for the disappearance of Murphy.
Honestly~
Murphy's disappearance has challenged my faith like nothing before.
For the first time in my life I questioned the God that I have loved and trusted since I was a little girl.
Driving down the road~listening to old hymns in my car~I would pour my heart out to God.
"Why?"
"Why Murphy?"
"Of all the dogs we've raised on the hill in the country...WHY must Murphy be a mystery?"
I've begged God to bring him back. I've pleaded with God to place our Murphy back on this earth. 
I wrote an article that was published on the front page of the paper in my parent's hometown.
I pleaded with the community to help bring Doogan's brother back to my parent's.
The city of Fayette, AL has lifted Murphy up in prayer and expressed an abundance of love and concern to my parent's. 
Many calls have come in. People calling to say they've spotted Murphy in Fayette County Alabama. 
Murphy was suppose to be the special dog my parent's would grow old alongside.
But the reality is~
Murphy walked over this hill...
and never came home.
Heading HOME for the holidays was bitter~sweet this year. My Mother and I had barely spoken about the disappearance of Murphy. She had written expressing she was not ready to face that Murphy might really be gone~forever.
For months I had nestled my sorrow in a tender, safe place within my heart. 
For months I have held back the tears at the end of yoga classes.
For months Greg and I have walked the trails on Bainbridge Island in honor and prayer for Murphy.
For months I have grieved and ached over the loss.
I knew.
I had envisioned.
When I finally made it back HOME...to the farm...where Murphy would no longer be...I would fall on my knees and lay down my sorrow~
clinging to my parent's who had suffered this tremendous loss without me near.
I don't know how but I made it through Christmas beaming with JOY. God lifted that sorrow knowing it wasn't the right time to lay my grief flat out. 
I had no idea if I could make it down the dirt road on a walk without Murphy.
But I did. 
For my parent's sake~I was strong.
I cradled my sorrow...and waited on the perfect time to share the grief that had been building up across the miles. 
 Everywhere I looked I thought of Murphy. 
My eyes were constantly scanning the woods.
I continued to pray for a miracle.
"Let me spot him God. Bring him home for a Christmas miracle."
In my mind I kept hearing myself cry out to everyone....
"It's a MIRACLE~Murphy is home!"
But it never happened.
God never brought him back. 
Two days after Christmas I awoke in the wee hours of the morning. I knew it was time. It was time to share the grief that was swallowing~choking my heart.
Early that morning~
leaving Greg behind in bed~
I asked my Mother, my Dad and my sister to meet me at the cabin in the woods.
I needed somewhere away from everyone that was sleeping so soundly in the house.
I needed a place where I could freely share all that I needed to let go.
Before sunrise that day I poured my grieving heart out to my parent's and sister.
I told them I had begged God for a miracle. 
I let my parent's know how sorry I was they had suffered the loss of their sweet boy.
My Dad began to share his thoughts about Murphy. 
As he shared he was very slow in speaking his thoughts.
Daddy thinks it's time to honor Murphy~to move on~celebrating the JOY that Murphy gave.
Several times he could barely get through as he spoke. 
I shared with them the bracelet Greg had given me to wear forever in memory of Murphy.
Up until that morning I had not been ready to wear it.
Yesterday, before I left the farm,  my Mother and I took our last walk together down the dirt road.
I found this heart rock on the walk.
At the top of one of the highest hills I gave my Mother a heart created by Lisa Leonard Designs.
 I had been saving the heart to give her in honor of Murphy.
"King of the hill" ~ Murphy xox
We hugged and cried and kept on walking.
At the end of the trek I found the hugest HEART rock we had ever~ever found.
I hauled it home to the farm.
He walked over the hill and never came home.
Murphy.
Sweet Sweet Murphy.
Gone but not forgotten...forever in our HEARTS.
~xo~
"If there are no dogs in HEAVEN~
then when I die
I want to go where they went."
will rogers

36 comments:

  1. Oh sweet friend, what a heartbreaking post. I am so sorry for all of you and your loss of your sweet boy. I am glad that you could find a small bit of closure with your family.
    Thinking of you,
    xx

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  2. I'm so sorry to read this! My heart breaks for you and your family. Thinking of you, your family, and sweet little Murphy, and sending big hugs.

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  3. Oh my sweet Teresa,this is such a heartbreaking story.If you lose a much loved and faithful companion through ill health or old age,it is painful enough,but it is the not knowing...that is the hardest to bear.Trust that HE will have wrapped dearest Murphy in his loving arms and kept him safe over that hill.
    BIG HUGS to you my friend.XXXXXXXXXXXX

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  4. tears.



    sending a you a big hug and lots of love.
    gina

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  5. Hi, As I read this I had to keep swallowing my own tears-you've touched emotions that all of us, who love dogs and have lost them, have experienced. Your family was blessed with Murphey for a season and I pray there will be another pup to walk beside your folks.
    Sending hugs your way.
    Noreen

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  6. We never are really ever able to express the joy, comfort and friendship that we receive from our animal companions. I've been praying for peace for you and your family since you first posted on Murphy. I pray that you will grow strong as you enjoy your memories of that sweet boy.

    xoxo,
    Marsha

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  7. What a bittersweet post. I was thinking about the Lisa Leonard Heart you bought and when you would give it to your Mom. It's nice that you had a special time to be with your mom when you gave it to her.

    Happy New Year
    Hugs!

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  8. What a sweet post. Made me cry. I can not imagine the grief.

    Big hugs,
    Kat

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  9. this must have been so tough... I am sure you are loving on Doogan so much now. Dogs sure do find a way deep into our hearts. Take care.

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  10. Oh, how I can relate. Our beloved Belle had to be put down December 27th thanks to Bone Cancer. It is heartbreaking and I feel your grief and pain and sadness.
    SO much is unknown, I hope Murphy found his peace somewhere over that Hill...

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  11. Oh my, tears are streaming down my face. Pets hold such a dear and loving place in our hearts and each individual soul can never be replaced. But there is a time to move on, release the sorrow, and remember the happy times. It sounds like you all took the first steps on your continuing journey.

    Sending you and your family good thoughts and hugs.

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  12. I am so sad to hear about this, the not knowing is perhaps worse than if you had known that he'd actually died. Sending hugs.

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  13. Keeping all in my prayers, furry friends are so very special. (My son who is 20 is named Griffin and we call him Griff too) :)) Happy New Year!

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  14. Oh Teresa........as isit here in tears typing this, I am thinking of all of you...your breaking hearts for you loyal furry friend. I wanted to ask about your folks. How they were. If they ever heard anything? One day, perhaps they will be ready for another sweet Wheatie. Not to replace because one can't replace. But in time perhaps having another one would be a good thing. Much love to all! And now I think I will go hug my Ducey!

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  15. I was and still am praying for that miracle we all need!

    Love to you, you beautiful, wonderful soul!

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  16. Thinking of you & your family...sorry for your loss.

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  17. Love the pictures! Love the dog ! Cute cute ! I love everything about this post !

    xo. A Southern Bee Diary

    :)

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  18. I'm so very sorry Teresa...so very sorry for your loss...for your family's loss of dear, sweet Murphy. I believe he is safe. The grief will never go away. At least mine hasn't. It isn't as strong...but it is always there. My heart goes out to you and your entire family for the loss of Murphy. May your memories bring you comfort during these difficult times. xo Jeanne

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  19. Oh sweet one ....I have no words to share with you...my heart is so touched. xoxoxo love you.

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  20. What a beautiful time you had with your family to "HONOR" a beloved member of the family. Thank you for sharing.
    Lisa from Dothan, AL

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  21. Oh my goOdness, your post made me cry. Your acceptance is wonderful and makes my heart ache at the same time.

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  22. What a heartbreaking post and I am so sorry about the loss of Murphy! That was so sweet of your husband to give you that beautiful bracelet with Murphy's name on it. It was also sweet that you gave that heart to your Mom! I love all those heart rocks you found on the farm too, they were meant for your family. Prayers for all of you and HUGS also!!

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  23. My heart breaks for your loss. I am so sorry, and thankful you have come to a place as a family where you can honor the memory of Murphy. {Hugs}

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  24. This is a beautiful post, heartbreaking but beautiful. I glad that you were able to have that time in the cabin with your family and that you gave your Mom the heart in honour of Murphy. I still hope and pray that he will return one day but I also hope that one day your memories of beloved Murphy that now bring tears will bring much happiness and many smiles.

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  25. My heart goes out to all of you. Losing a pet is one of the most difficult things to experience...especially the "not knowing" what happened or where he is. And I agree, if dogs are not in Heaven ~ but I believe they are! ~ then I want to go where they are. Spending precious time with your family is wonderful and I hope that all of you heal in time.

    xo
    Pat

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  26. I'm so sorry...Wyley (dog) & Leland (cat) will send angels & hugs your way!

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  27. so so sorry. i can't imagine. i have two little cavaliers. i always watch in the morning when they go out as we sometimes have coyotes. i think the dogs are too big for coyotes, but you never know. my heart breaks for you. and your parents.

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  28. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am still crying!

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  29. My heart just breaks for you. I am so sorry for your family's loss. Hugs and prayers to all of you.

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  30. I'm sorry to hear Murphy wasn't found. I love my dogs like children and it's SOOOO hard to imagine life without them. Against my wishes, I left my dog with my ex-0husband when I divorced and it was the hardest part to the divorce. He never left me and now I was leaving him, so hard to deal with! Maybe God will bring your family a new dog to love that needs a great family like yours. :-) **hugs**

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  31. From one do lover to another all I can say is that I am SO very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how heartbreaking that must be. Sending a big hug from VA!

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  32. Oh, Teresa. You have me all teary-eyed over my coffee.

    Murphy sounds like such a sweet dog...and I know that feeling so well. We had a kitty, names Murphy, who never came home when we lived in Alabama. I always thought we'd find him again. I like to think someone found him and took him home.

    I love the way you've honored him. Sweet Murphy. ♥

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  33. So sorry for the loss of Murphy. I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. I pray the wonderful memories you all have bring you comfort and joy. I hope when the time is right your parents will take in another special dog to love.

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  34. you know I'm crying reading this.........

    I just have nothing to say.......just tears.

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  35. oh sweet girl. i am sobbing reading this. i did not see this before and my heart goes out to you and your family. i can not imagine the pain or sadness that all of you feel. i wish i could give you a big hug and say it's ok....prayers and love to you. xo

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