Several months ago I poured my heart out begging for prayers to bring Murphy home. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the way in which you lifted sweet Murphy up. Thank you for the thoughts, prayers and emails expressing your concern and sorrow for the disappearance of Murphy.
Murphy's disappearance has challenged my faith like nothing before.
For the first time in my life I questioned the God that I have loved and trusted since I was a little girl.
Driving down the road~listening to old hymns in my car~I would pour my heart out to God.
"Of all the dogs we've raised on the hill in the country...WHY must Murphy be a mystery?"
I've begged God to bring him back. I've pleaded with God to place our Murphy back on this earth.
I wrote an article that was published on the front page of the paper in my parent's hometown.
I pleaded with the community to help bring Doogan's brother back to my parent's.
The city of Fayette, AL has lifted Murphy up in prayer and expressed an abundance of love and concern to my parent's.
Many calls have come in. People calling to say they've spotted Murphy in Fayette County Alabama.
Murphy was suppose to be the special dog my parent's would grow old alongside.
But the reality is~
Murphy walked over this hill...
and never came home.
Heading HOME for the holidays was bitter~sweet this year. My Mother and I had barely spoken about the disappearance of Murphy. She had written expressing she was not ready to face that Murphy might really be gone~forever.
For months I had nestled my sorrow in a tender, safe place within my heart.
For months I have held back the tears at the end of yoga classes.
For months Greg and I have walked the trails on Bainbridge Island in honor and prayer for Murphy.
For months I have grieved and ached over the loss.
I had envisioned.
When I finally made it back HOME...to the farm...where Murphy would no longer be...I would fall on my knees and lay down my sorrow~
clinging to my parent's who had suffered this tremendous loss without me near.
I don't know how but I made it through Christmas beaming with JOY. God lifted that sorrow knowing it wasn't the right time to lay my grief flat out.
I had no idea if I could make it down the dirt road on a walk without Murphy.
But I did.
For my parent's sake~I was strong.
I cradled my sorrow...and waited on the perfect time to share the grief that had been building up across the miles.
Everywhere I looked I thought of Murphy.
My eyes were constantly scanning the woods.
I continued to pray for a miracle.
"Let me spot him God. Bring him home for a Christmas miracle."
In my mind I kept hearing myself cry out to everyone....
"It's a MIRACLE~Murphy is home!"
But it never happened.
God never brought him back.
Two days after Christmas I awoke in the wee hours of the morning. I knew it was time. It was time to share the grief that was swallowing~choking my heart.
Early that morning~
leaving Greg behind in bed~
I asked my Mother, my Dad and my sister to meet me at the cabin in the woods.
I needed somewhere away from everyone that was sleeping so soundly in the house.
I needed a place where I could freely share all that I needed to let go.
Before sunrise that day I poured my grieving heart out to my parent's and sister.
I told them I had begged God for a miracle.
I let my parent's know how sorry I was they had suffered the loss of their sweet boy.
My Dad began to share his thoughts about Murphy.
As he shared he was very slow in speaking his thoughts.
Daddy thinks it's time to honor Murphy~to move on~celebrating the JOY that Murphy gave.
Several times he could barely get through as he spoke.
I shared with them the bracelet Greg had given me to wear forever in memory of Murphy.
Up until that morning I had not been ready to wear it.
Yesterday, before I left the farm, my Mother and I took our last walk together down the dirt road.
I found this heart rock on the walk.
At the top of one of the highest hills I gave my Mother a heart created by Lisa Leonard Designs.
I had been saving the heart to give her in honor of Murphy.
"King of the hill" ~ Murphy xox
We hugged and cried and kept on walking.
At the end of the trek I found the hugest HEART rock we had ever~ever found.
I hauled it home to the farm.
He walked over the hill and never came home.
Sweet Sweet Murphy.
Gone but not forgotten...forever in our HEARTS.
"If there are no dogs in HEAVEN~
then when I die
I want to go where they went."